Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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