my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
How external is "for external use only"?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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