Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
