So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
God, I missed his penis.
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