Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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