do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
