My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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