If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
