hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
