Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
