I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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