No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
