Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
