I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize