do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
