I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
