oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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