He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
