He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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