long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
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It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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