She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
