well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
