i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We have started to decorate penises.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize