the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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