I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
