I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
