Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
