He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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