Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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