Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
