I'm laying in your front yard are you home
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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