I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
