Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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