so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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