you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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