And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
