You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
