My room smells like vodka and shame
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
