That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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