Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
