He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
