Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
