well I can't set my house on fire every night
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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