i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
