I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
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Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
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My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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