I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
