oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
