I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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