so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
