I'm lost and stupid without you.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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