your thong is hanging out like whoa
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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