Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
