I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
