btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
