as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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