Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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