You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
