So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
