So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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