I should be sponsored by Trojan
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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