I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch