hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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