The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
