A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
