Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
