Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
