I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
