Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
