First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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