i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
false alarm. still invincible.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Randomize
